WTF Is Joy?!
I was wrong. So wrong.
I thought my social life would bring me joy. I thought traveling would bring me joy. I thought a full-time job on a respectable career path with sexy perks would bring me joy. Hell, I thought meditation and my fucking gratitude journal would bring me joy. But, I was wrong.
Despite every coming-of-age novel/celebrity breakdown/TED Talk/commencement speech that teaches: external things ≠ fulfillment, I was hooked to the IV drip of societal programming that says otherwise. I sought out the mile markers of the Western “success” playbook.
Until my own body shook me “awake” at a New Year’s Eve party two years ago. I went from counting down to midnight to bawling into a friend’s dress in seconds. A breakdown so sudden, like someone ripped away the backdrop while I was watching a play. There it all was: the empty, lonely backstage I had carefully avoided seeing.
Enter: a bender of self exploration. Spiritual texts, energy healing, subconscious reprogramming, plant medicine, meditation, sound baths, self help books, women’s groups, hiking, even a brush with veganism.
I’m realizing as I type this [Editor’s note: is this therapy??] that I simply turned my attention from one group of external activities (travels/career/social life) to another (personal growth media consumption/millennial wellness) in an attempt to find joy. Neither worked.
The one truth I now understand about joy is that it only comes from within. Joy never comes from the outside. Not even from good-for-you, beautifully branded wellness experiences (*shaking fist in frustration*). Turns out that if my inner world features disconnection, self loathing, a lack of integrity, and is overall a spooky place, then joy has a hard time shining through. No matter how many sound baths I do.
AND SO here we are on day 1 of 2021. I’m eager for more joy, and a totally different approach to accessing it. You? I’m seeking that ‘fulfilled, at peace’ state, that ‘joy no matter what’ state. I know this state exists. You can see it in a person’s eyes. Looks like peace.
Maybe I don’t know what lasting joy feels like, or exactly how to get there, but I’d like to figure that out together. And that brings me to a bigger question…
WTF is joy?!
Hey! Today I’m launching a daily newsletter called WTF Is Joy?!, which explores what it takes to live a joyful life. And, I’m Katherine Brooks! Joy enthusiast, bedroom DJ, espresso drinker, aspiring keyboard player, former expat. Would love for you to come along for the ride. Subscribe here: https://wtfisjoy.substack.com/.
